Jobless and Looking For my Meds!

I loved my job, working with the boys. The quiet hours allowed me to manage my anxiety…as well as overdose on Netflix and Hulu! 

But the adults always complicate things. The system was going to make changes, and the new people coming in would have to be trained a solid month before they’d get  posted alone. Plus, the fact that new kids weren’t coming to my unit for at least 3 months, meant that I’d likely be stuck on my same schedule. Having too many days off and small paychecks.

So I quit.

I did it. I made a rash change. I didn’t think it through,  but so far…I don’t regret it. I’ve been able to clean up some at the house. I’ve been able to help my kids with homework. I’m sleeping on a better schedule, though still having trouble sleeping  half the time.

I like it. For now, anyway.  Things will change when they need to. And I need to learn to manage my anxiety. I saw my  therapist today, he suggested a simple pleasurable hobby. But reminded me that sex and masturbation don’t count…jeez! Just suck the fun out of my private time why don’t ya!

However, the universe seems to be pushing me toward the sex… To date, 4 exes have contacted me wanting to get together. I’m sure it was prompted by a disappointing valentine’s day. So I give none of them much attention. I’m trying to focus on myself and WB.

He and I are relearning each other. We are  attempting to talk about things, other than sex, and the past. We were both hurt in the process, and neither of us has enough to survive that a second time. And we are both still very much broken. It makes sense to go slow, if we want to stay safe. Lots of trust to rebuild, if at all.

I have been very emotional the last couple of days. And I’m fighting an infection on top of that. I really am not capable of taking on too much. I need to look out for myself. And so much of that is realizing how I will react to things. So I stay on guard.

My kids are running around crazy, and making me feel like a caged animal. I’m sick. My chest pains came back in full force!

Yeh…I need my meds!

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