I truly cannot understand where this overwhelming urge to cry, comes from. I’ve been fine for several days. No incident, no cause for concern. Today I am just compoundingly sad.
I don’t think it is my sadness. Crazy as I may be….this feels like someone else’s sadness. Not mine. I can brush it aside, but it sneaks back up, like a hungry stray. Just a foggy sort of feeling in my mind.
The occasional tear slips down my cheek. My nose runs a bit, and my vision is blurred, momentarily. But beneath, there is nothing for me to have reason to actually cry. I know someone is sad…but it isn’t me! Stupid empathy! Stupid, stupid empathetic girl!
This is frustrating! I don’t want to cry, I have no need to. Yet here I am, forced to bleed out emotion for others. I just wish I knew who, and why. It might make this easier to bear. Though, I suppose feeling for someone else is charitable, in a cosmic, karmic way. And as I do not benefit from the tears or extraneous emotion, I actually can reason with my own ideals that it truly is charity.
Stupid, though I may be. I do have a few principles. And I do not think that charity should benefit the giver. At that point, it simply becomes an exchange. Not an act of kindness, or goodness, or even humanity. It therefore loses its righteousness, or positivity.
Maybe I look too deeply into things. Perhaps, it simply is my own sadness attempting to surface. I suppose I shall never know for sure. I shall endure, and cry these orphaned tears. Not mine, but nevertheless here and present.
“Where’s The Rum!?”