It’s my ache…

…please let me keep it.

I may be bordering on discovering I am an emotional masochist. I love the mysterious WB. I am wholly in love with him. He is my Soul. He holds my heart. I don’t want it back, I don’t want to not feel that void.

Yeh stupid, I know. Just keep your judgements until you find this kind of love for someone, and THEN talk to me about how far you’d go to to hold on to them, or the memories of them! It’s not easy to love a person who refuses to speak to you because it hurts him too terribly. Knowing that you are hurting just as much, but not willing to let him go. Knowing you have SOME dignity and refuse to stalk him on Facebook, instagram, or any social.media site!

Yes, I still send him emails. He never has answered, likely never reads them. Yet, my heart will forever reach out to him, until he tells me – face to face, to stop. And he never will, as he’d have to then acknowledge me and my pain. He has trouble dealing with his own…as do I. He simply chooses not to respond to my cries of love and pain. Perhaps he too is hurt, or feeling the same as I do, but doesn’t want to cause trouble in my life. He knows I would leave my family in a hot fucking minute, to be with him. Perhaps, that is what keeps him from exchanging words with me.

I look through old pictures of him, and while I smile…my eyes become teary. It’s a difficult thing to bear alone. Yet, I have no idea what he thinks, or feels. I have sent him a father’s day greeting, he will probably never read it, but I know I have tried. I know that I am giving him my all. I know that my heart and Soul are his. No one else could attempt to touch me the way that he does.

I’m not sure if it makes me crazy, or truly in love….

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