I promise, I don’t get on here to whine, or make people feel sorry for me. That’s just being selfish! And its also a bit presumptuous, to think anyone reads this.
However, I am going to complain tonight. I recently spent some time with some of my family. Two women, both moms, different ages, and different personalities. But we all get along well enough. We do dinners, lunches, or nails together. I just get my toes done. I’m trying to grow out my fingernails. The gel manicure really thinned them out!
And I’ve gone off track again! So we all hang out, and generally have fun. I try to watch what I say – at least when it comes to my opinion of anyone’s lifestyle. I have absolutely no right whatsoever to judge anyone! So I stay quiet about how other people live. Easy! I don’t say anything hurtful. I don’t comment on my impressions of people. If someone wants to tell me a secret, that is up to them. However, I do not have the right to tell those secrets to anyone. And I won’t blab about it!
I should inttoduce these ladies. J- mother of a 20 year old son. And P- mother of three kids under the age of 15. Then, there is also me- mother of 2 kids on the spectrum. We, as a family, are a veritable cross-section of american parenting. We all have our own philosophies, and practices. Still good, nothing wrong with any of that.
At any rate, the 3 of us were hanging out and I could tell that J seemed somewhat touchy. I didn’t figure out until later, that I wasn’t technically invited by the whole group. So of course, not knowing that I actually crashed “their time”, I was getting quite anxious. But I had to keep myself in check. If J was snippy, I did not want to start anything, as I always get to be the third or fourth person to even find out what happened when she got mad at me! It’s ridiculous, and most of the time I don’t get the chance to defend myself, or even realize that I need to.
So J is already set in her attitude, and P noticed it, and I realized she was on guard as well. As the day and conversation continue, I noticed that J only had negative things to say…about everyone – excluding P. She went on about how she thinks this and that about other people, and how they SHOULD live their lives. This is NOT a new personality trait. Its all “I am awesome. And other people should be more like me” – type of thinking that she’s always had.
Again, I didn’t respond as I had no right to. At one point she got on the topic of her son and his girlfriend. She is really not happy with this situation. She is his mom, she can think what she wants about her son. But then she began flinging negative comments about his girlfriend. Some of which are also aimed at me. I listenened more closely, and kept my mouth shut, hoping she would realize her own faux-pas and either backtrack, apologize, or stop doing it altogether. It was a while later that I realized I should have stood up for myself and the poor girl who wasn’t there to defend herself! I was so upset with my own inaction, that I actually cut again!
I was doing so good.
The very next night, J sat at dinner, across from the girlfriend and was all sweetness and niceties. I was almost outraged. It clearly showed that she does this sort of thing with ease! Like its a natural reflex to trash someone, then be nice to them in person. I hoped age and maturity might have changed her, but no…she is exactly as she was the day I met her. I know I’ve changed in a lot of ways over the years. Not all of them are good. But I recognize those behaiors, and TRY to minimize them, or walk away.
It never fails. After being around a scene like that I cant help but carry the anger or hurt with me. I take my meds and do something to take my mind off the awfulness. Sometimes it works, sometimes I just avoid that person for a while.
I may not be perfect, but I feel and think more than people know.